Some Musings About Myself.....

I always wonder if i am living correctly, my sister always told me that i not good at talking with other people, that i only friends with people who can understand me (and a lot of people don't know what i say usually). I dont like socializing...i cant be friends with people easily....so does that make me an outcast?
When i join the Dharma Camp, everyone there was very lightly, bubbly and fun. I was there loitering around without people to talk to....its kinda sad, but I'm used to it.
I'm a Otaku basically, being a fan of games, animes and mangas. I'm taking Games Development Course in MMU. It's basically shows that i'm living my life just to have fun(which is true). I always believe that life is lived to enjoy. Sometimes i hate it when other people sees me as useless cause all i know to do is enjoying myself(which is play games, watching animes and mangas).
I used to very timid and have low self-esteem. But then when i start my secondary school years, i started to change drasticly. It seems that being bullied in a majority malay school has made what i am now.(btw i went to chinese primary school) The sense of hopelessness i felt, after being bullied by assholes everyday made me very depressed and the teachers are not helping (since most of the teachers in my school are racist, what do they do when they see a single chinese boy being beat up by a gang of malays in the back of the school? well...nothing, when i ask for their help to be my witness, they say they didnt saw anything, FUCKING teachers!!)
During those years, i changed from a timid boy to a violent person. The dicipline teacher and counselor always sees me and ask me if I have any family problem or personal problem, like they didnt know my problem is with the school. Almost everyweek i had a fight with someone, people says that its usually my fault cause i have a short temper, well...try being taunted in school everyday and see how short your temper gonna be.
I used to have a fetish to cut myself whenever i'm deeply depressed(I stop edy after i left that STUPID school). People usually stay away from me after they found out about this....but what the hell, as if anyone gonna read this blog anyway.
Thats all for today? well ... till next time when i have other things to take out from my chest then.. Jya Ne