Some Musings About Myself.....

I always wonder if i am living correctly, my sister always told me that i not good at talking with other people, that i only friends with people who can understand me (and a lot of people don't know what i say usually). I dont like socializing...i cant be friends with people easily....so does that make me an outcast?
When i join the Dharma Camp, everyone there was very lightly, bubbly and fun. I was there loitering around without people to talk to....its kinda sad, but I'm used to it.
I'm a Otaku basically, being a fan of games, animes and mangas. I'm taking Games Development Course in MMU. It's basically shows that i'm living my life just to have fun(which is true). I always believe that life is lived to enjoy. Sometimes i hate it when other people sees me as useless cause all i know to do is enjoying myself(which is play games, watching animes and mangas).
I used to very timid and have low self-esteem. But then when i start my secondary school years, i started to change drasticly. It seems that being bullied in a majority malay school has made what i am now.(btw i went to chinese primary school) The sense of hopelessness i felt, after being bullied by assholes everyday made me very depressed and the teachers are not helping (since most of the teachers in my school are racist, what do they do when they see a single chinese boy being beat up by a gang of malays in the back of the school? well...nothing, when i ask for their help to be my witness, they say they didnt saw anything, FUCKING teachers!!)
During those years, i changed from a timid boy to a violent person. The dicipline teacher and counselor always sees me and ask me if I have any family problem or personal problem, like they didnt know my problem is with the school. Almost everyweek i had a fight with someone, people says that its usually my fault cause i have a short temper, well...try being taunted in school everyday and see how short your temper gonna be.
I used to have a fetish to cut myself whenever i'm deeply depressed(I stop edy after i left that STUPID school). People usually stay away from me after they found out about this....but what the hell, as if anyone gonna read this blog anyway.
Thats all for today? well ... till next time when i have other things to take out from my chest then.. Jya Ne

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my time at DSG camp

I went to a Dharma Sharing Camp during 7th to 9th Jan. It's not that bad....but i dont think i can fit in with the crowd there.....
its not that i hav anything against them....its just that i'm not a social person...


group photo, try and spot me ;-)

I'm strictly a Theravada Buddhist, raised as one...lived as one...
what i cant stand is people calling themselves devouted buddhist doesnt know how to respect a Theravada monk, thats what i saw when they ask The Chief Reverend to come and give blessings. the Chief Reverend Dr K. Sri Dhamananda is a busy person, he believe in living life the buddhist way and not in superstition. He rarely gives blessing becuz he believe its superstitious and only gives them when old people ask for it to calm their fears. The organizers was lucky to get his time at the last minute, but they didnt tell him that they only wanted his blessings only. In he went to the meeting room to meet us thinking he was going to give us a speach....later during his speech, a member of the camp organizer came and ask him to shorten his speech and just give a blessing. Damn it!! Is this how they treat a 86 years old senior monk who is also THE Chief Reverend for Malaysia and Singapore? from his espression, i could see he was annoyed too... taking off his precious time just to give a simple blessing, while he have more important things that he have to tend to.

Well, thats does it...this incident is enuf for me to stay out of the DSG(dharma sharing group) for a while....

Till next time, Jya

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anyone living in MMU Cyber hostel? you guys can check out my ftp....
ftp://10.100.98.94

i'm thinking of making a webserver.....but have to wait till i have time...

for now, Jya Ne

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My first post

this is my first blog, just doing it for my assignment, dunno what to write.....so......just wait for my next post?

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